he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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