He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
