i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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