from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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