Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
