i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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