the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this just has baby written all over it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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