Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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