I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
