I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
