ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
