I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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