Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
