He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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