I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
