The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will be naked everywhere
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
