I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
