We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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