There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
