You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
