You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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