So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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