I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
