Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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