i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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