i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
