We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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