And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
