I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
