I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
