After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
