All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
