You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
