Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
