so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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