she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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