i wish my penis had a tongue
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
ok first of all what the fuck
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
