hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
