Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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