I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What a fucking waste of an outfit
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
