there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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