i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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