Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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