so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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