I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
