I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
