Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
