You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
