i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Kiss
Puke
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
