You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
