I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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