I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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