Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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