I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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