he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
