Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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