so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
