I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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