I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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