im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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