yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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