I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
