life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
