the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
