just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
