We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
