he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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