I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
tell me about the fingering
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