I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
