Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
