Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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