She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
