He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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