His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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